1984.

You know, as of late, I’ve really been thinking about my life. I’ve lost so much. But if I hadn’t lost all of those things, I wouldn’t have gained what I did. First, I’d like to thank Ian. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to know how I shouldn’t be treated. Without him, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate Matt for who he is. Matt is wonderful. He’s real, and he doesn’t judge me. He cares about my happiness before his own. I’ve never known anyone that willingly does that. Yeah he’s got his faults, but so do I. Matt is the ONLY person who knows every detail about me. For some reason he has this demeanor about him that says  “Hey, tell me everything, I don’t mind”. It scares me. I’ve never told anyone everything. But he hasn’t failed me yet, and he claims he won’t fail me. And there’s something about the way that he said that that makes me believe him. Every time I’ve ever needed him, he’s been there. Second, I’d like to thank Aidan and Lauren. Hah, I spent a lot of my time crying because of them. I also spent a lot of time cursing their names. But in the end, I appreciate that Aidan chose Lauren over our friendship. Kara and I spent third at my house yesterday. She sat there telling me that I shouldn’t give up on Aidan. She said that our friendship was the only real friendship that she’d ever seen. Yeah, people assumed there was something going on, but we both know there wasn’t. He was just my best friend. He was my other half. It hurt. So incredibly bad. But I feel like it was for the better. I’m not gonna try to fix something that he won’t try to fix as well. With him, it’s not worth it anymore. And without them. Without him. I wouldn’t have met Andrew. Andrew is one of the best things to ever happen to me. He is my best friend and my brother. I wish I could explain in words how thankful I am to have him there for me. He’s taught me so much about myself. He and Matt were there to pick up the pieces that Aidan and Ian left. They’re both amazing, but also there for me in different ways.

I understand that I’ve done a lot of shitty things in the past. But in the last month, I think I’ve done more growing up than I have in the last few years. Shit’s real now. Girls getting pregnant, people dying, everyone and their mom getting married. Hell, kids that I’ve grown up with are graduating high school next Thursday. I’m gonna be 18 this year and damn it if I’m not gonna do make something of myself before then.  

I’m not sure why I even wrote this. I’ll probably delete it afterward, but it feels good to get it all out.